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Things I thought I’d know by 30

Things I thought I’d know by 30

According to a survey carried out by one of the biggest pharmacies in the UK, almost half of the adults who took part in the online poll said they felt at least six years younger than their real age. Many more who were surveyed said they felt 15 years younger than they actually were.

These findings were very reassuring to me, as I honestly still feel about 12. I don’t feel like I’m old enough to be a responsible adult (even though I celebrated my 30th birthday last year) and I still worry that the Head Master might tell me off if my skirt is too short.

Really, being 30 doesn’t feel like I’m actually 30. I still don’t feel like a proper adult, even after all this time, and here is why.

The things I thought I’d know by the time I was 30….


I still eat curry in white tops, I still burn myself using a tea towel to get stuff out of the oven and I always forget my coat. My mum, for instance, would never do these things so I probably shouldn’t either (but still do anyway).

…my ultimate career goal.

Even though I love my job, I still think that one day I’d like to try my hand at elephant podiatry. Or go back to my first career as a Children’s TV Gunge Maker. Or spend another summer in a pit excavating bits of old sea urchins in Winchester. Let’s hope common sense prevails (however – see above point – it probably won’t).

…how to do vital things.

Any thoughts I had of re-wiring plugs left right and centre, baking family wedding cakes and making my own clothes never really materialised. I probably learned more practical things when I was at school than I have learned as an adult – I could even do a great hula hoop back then, and I actually had a use for a hypotenuse. Some things change but some things stay depressingly the same.

…what to do in a crisis.

I wouldn’t want to wish ill on someone, but I desperately want to get to use a defibrillator. In the (fortunate) absence of any real drama, I am often left speechless when someone tells me something slightly dramatic. I still do what I did when I was seven – find a tissue and give them a bit of an awkward pat on the back.

…when not to laugh.

Bottom burps are still funny. People sitting on creaking chairs are still funny. Fake poos are still funny. Proper adults know how to ignore these things, which brings me onto my next point…

…when to keep schtum.

Real adults know where their mute button is. They don’t laugh at toddlers who put bank cards down the loo, and they say things like “it’s a bit stuffy in here” when someone has clearly let one off. I am still yet to learn this skill.

…to dress appropriately.

Last week was by no means the first time I turned up dressed exactly like my friend’s three year old. Yes, I sometimes resemble an adult baby in my jelly shoes, but everyone is secretly really jealous when it rains.

…stuff I used to know.

We all used to be able to trot out certain things for exams, but nowadays I can only just hum the words to Auld Lang Syne and I barely know pi to one decimal place. It’s a sad state of affairs on New Year’s Eve, I can tell you.

… my limits.

Nearly slipping a disc after trying to give my Grandad the bumps was a low point. Apparently there is some sort of personal alcohol limit too that we all must know, but try telling me that after two vinos and a martini.

… how to behave.

I don’t know what it is about summer but it makes me want to do ridiculous things. Last summer I fell over, mid cartwheel, in front of a park full of strangers (what on earth possessed me to try field gymnastics after 20 years I’ll never know). I still can’t help laughing during serious ceremonies, and being anywhere near a bus makes me want to sit at the back and mess around. This does not go down well on the number 3.

I’m not sure when I will grow up, but it doesn’t look like it’s happened yet. Thankfully, according to this survey, I’m not alone. They say 30 is the new 20, which may explain it. So if 60 is the new 50, maybe I’ll be a proper adult by the time I’m 70 – but, then again, maths was never my strong point.

What do you think? Do you still feel 15, or are you old before your time? Does your ‘inner age’ match your real age? Join the discussion on Facebook and let us know! Plus, don’t forget to have your say and earn cash in your spare time in our latest paid surveys at Opinion Outpost UK.

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